One of the first publicity stunts for David Beckham when hebegins his Major League Soccer career will be to cultivate a big,bushy beard. He may be 'growing the world's most popular game', buthaving been at the forefront of follicular fashion in Europe, he hassome other growing to do, since so many of his US colleagues favourthe hirsute route. It may affect his advertising contract forGillette, but on $50 million a year he can probably afford it.
It was strange to see so many beards in the MLS Cup final betweenNew England Revolution and Houston Dynamo (Five US, Wednesday). Thefuzz of Micky Droy and Gary Birtles is long gone in our game. It waseven more shocking to see so much of it on public display in theStates. Maybe the obscure world of soccer is a safe haven during thewar on terror, when anything more than three days of stubble invitesharassment.
The MLS commentary team included Dave O'Brien, no stranger tocontroversy. A seasoned baseball 'caller', when he delved intofootball for the World Cup in Germany he outraged viewers in thematch between Mexico and Iran by going on about the Iranianpresident's views on the Holocaust. Then he referred to Rangers andCeltic as Glasgow United.
He also came up with 'Michael' Beckham, and failed to spot thathis free-kick against Paraguay had gone in the net. Football doesnot have as many natural breaks as baseball or gridiron, so O'Brienrambles on over the action as if nothing is happening. In truth, hedoesn't know what is happening.
The game may be a minority interest in the States, but the WorldCup final had a bigger TV audience than the baseball World Seriesdecider. Americans once wanted the goals to be bigger to avoid theprospect of 0-0 draws. They wanted games like Arsenal's 6-3 victoryover Liverpool (Sky Sports, Tuesday). So it was a surprise that theMLS final should be goalless and deadly dull until the second halfof extra time, when both teams scored in a minute. 'The restart','overtime' and 'PKs' (penalty kicks) may be de rigueur for aHollywood climax, but only after the score has reached 6-6.
When Sky swoop on MLS for their Total Beckham Coverage, onenovelty for our screens could be having Brandy Chastain, whofamously tore off her shirt after converting the winning penalty ofthe women's World Cup final in 1999, as an expert summariser. Whatwould Ron Atkinson make of that? Here, at last, is the chance forPosh to get in the studio.
Sky Sports News had a field day with the Beckham transfer - 'It'sthe biggest story of the year. The biggest story of the century.'The biggest story in the galaxy? But Paul Dalglish, son of Kenny anda Houston Dynamo striker - he had a stinker in the final,incidentally - struck a suitably dour, Kenny-like note: 'When wewalk down the street, we are nobodies. You get on with your dailylife. The only superstar is Landon Donovan.' All together now:'Who?'
Meanwhile the Americanisation of English football continues inthe boardroom. Tinseltown comes to Goodison for today's live gamebetween Everton and Reading. Sylvester Stallone, a soccer doyen eversince his performance in goal in Escape To Victory, will be on handto see what rewards his friend Robert Earl's Planet Hollywoodinvestment is reaping while he promotes his new film, Rocky Balboa.Please insert your own punchline. You never know, Duncan Fergusonmay show up too: 'In the blue corner...'
